Monday, December 8, 2008

Czarina’s Christmas Rules

Where you going with the gun Deb?

Across the street.

Why do you need a gun to go across the street?

Shoot out the blue Christmas lights.

Only the blue lights offend your sensibilities?

Yes. Obviously they didn't read the memo. One must only use white lights for display outside of the house.

Miss Scrooge, what happens if someone puts out multicolor?

Rules. One must follow the Czarina's Christmas Rules. Only white lights for display. Simple, perfect, pure white light. (Pacing Now) If you absolutely must be a non conformist and use a colored light then those lights can only be multicolored strings. NO all red, NO all green, and especially NO NO blue lights. Rules.

Dare I ask what happens to the offender who puts out multicolor and white lights in the same display?

Their plug is pulled. Permanently.

What about those plastic Toy Soldiers, Santas, and Reindeer exhibits? Or those lighted balls in the trees? Better yet what happens to the violator who plays soothing Christmas carols for all to enjoy as they drive past your house to view the Christmas holiday array?


Who you calling?

The Marine forward air controller. I'm ordering a laser guided smart bomb.

Easy Babe. Deep Zen breathes, honey. Put the phone down. I'll trade you, a valium for the pistol.

Your an elf. A CIA-Santa planted happy Christmas Elf.

Easy babe, it's only a few more weeks and it'll all be over. Here's a martini to chase the valium. Don't worry I've got plenty of gin.

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